i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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