I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
