you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize