he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
