So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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