That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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