im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
