dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
