I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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