she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
