I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We are all done wearing pants today
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
