Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
