dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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