he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My dick has a subreddit
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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