My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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