I'm jealous of your bromance
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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