Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
