I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
