Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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