I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
