He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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