Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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