Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
