I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
