Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
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This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
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Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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