he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
