Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
