Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
