Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
