he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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