hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
it's great music for shaving your balls
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
50% drunk capacity currently
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
