trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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