Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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