This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Less talking, more tequila
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
