wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
