if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
