I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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