I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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