I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
