Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
