Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
