I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
