If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
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