Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
