guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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