i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you win again, gameday.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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