YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
