you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
