forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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