his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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