I need to stop coming to work sober
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
