i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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