I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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