Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
