My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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