I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize