he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
