Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
