When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
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I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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