sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
