I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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