i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
